Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage...

Go together like a horse and carriage! (Sorry, I couldn't refrain from singing!)

I don’t “do” weddings. Wedding receptions with an open bar? Why, yes! Yes I do! I have perfected the art of skipping the ceremony and simply making an appearance at the reception. When someone grasps the concept of an open bar at the ceremony, I might change my tune. Until then, I will stick to my current system.

Fortunately, at my age, most of my closest friends have already been married off and are working hard at building their little family one child at a time. So there are very few weddings I feel obligated to attend, and even fewer that I have been asked to participate in the wedding party. It has been 5 years since I have been a bridesmaid.

This weekend, however, I will once again walk down the aisle for a girlfriend, donning the dress of her choice. Being a bridesmaid is supposed to be an honor, but in reality it is a lot of work, a lot of stress, and a lot of money spent on someone else’s “happy day”. I blame my own failed marriage for my negative outlook on romance and true love. I have realized that I am quite jealous at the idea of someone else’s life ending “happily ever after” when my own fairy tale ended more like a tragic opera… everyone dies in the end. Or something like that.

It has been a long journey for me to forgive my ex for crushing my dreams of “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part….” But over the past year and a half, I have lived a period of “personal growth” and have really come to terms with it, forgiven him (and myself) for the disappointment and heartbreak we caused each other, and trusted that the Lord will someday bless me with a husband who honors the covenant of marriage. It has been a long road to healing, but I have come out a better person in the end and I feel that I have even more love to give than I ever have before.

For the first time in a very long time, I am truly happy to see a young couple madly in love with each other, taking a blind leap of faith into the commitment of marriage. I am cheering them on and praying that they will not become another marital statistic. In fact, I have become quite emotional lately due to the fact that one friend is merely days away from walking down the aisle and another very dear friend has recently become engaged. I have even enjoyed playing in a blizzard of chiffon, silk, tulle and lace as we search for the perfect wedding dress! The “old me” wouldn’t have been able to tolerate this, let alone celebrate it. Now I’m the girl who tears up when her best friend steps out of the dressing room in that one perfect dress!

I am absolutely frightened at the idea of standing at the altar this weekend. Partly because I have never overcome my stage fright and partly because I am terrified that my warm gooey center (that I have kept behind frozen walls for so long) will melt and I will be a bawling mess when I see the bride walking down the aisle to meet her new husband. I am terrified that my sobs will overwhelm their marriage vows! Mostly, I am afraid that I will feel more alone than I have in a long time, because I am missing that kind of love and commitment in my life. BUT! This is not about me! Shocking, I know! So…

To the Bride and Groom:
Let your love endure beyond the last sunset.
May your life be long and happy,
Your cares and sorrows few;
And the many friends around thee
Prove faithful, fond and true.
May your voyage through life be as happy and as free
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea.
May your love be added, may it never be subtracted, may your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided!